A noi donne non è concesso di rilassarci un attimo
A noi donne non è concesso di rilassarci un attimo. La ricrescita ai capelli da coprire per non avere i capelli come un quadro astratto, l’antirughe da stendere come neanche van Gogh, la ceretta, lo smalto anche alle unghie dei piedi per non sembrare sciatte.
Per quelle davvero sprezzanti del pericolo, i tacchi alti anche se nevica, per quelle con la ceretta da fare, i pantaloni stretti anche se all’esterno ci sono sono gli stessi gradi di un panificio.
E poi il ciclo mestruale che ti viene da piangere pure se ti lasciano attraversare sulle strisce pedonali, e il lavoro dove devi essere disponibile, gentile, multitasking, ma così multitasking che “si può sapere perché non conosci il ciclo riproduttivo del fenicottero?”.
E non importa quello che sai, perché un uomo lo saprà meglio e, ovviamente, guadagnerà più di te. Ma, alla fine, quel che conta è la salute, e infatti, passi anni a farti strizzare le tette, per vedere se sono sane e a fare da cavia a vari esperimenti scientifici di cui non è bello parlare, ma che ti assicurano che, anche a sud, tutto va bene.
E le faccende, la spesa, “ma, scusa, come mai manca il pepe rosa? In ogni casa c’è il pepe rosa”.
E i figli che prima sono piccoli e vai in giro con rimasugli di rigurgito sui capelli con la disinvoltura di una che ha appena fatto la messa in piega. E poi crescono. E li porti a fare sport, inglese “mica vorrai che parli inglese come Renzi?”, violoncello “va’ a sapere, magari ha 4 a musica ma il violoncello lo appassiona”. E crescono ancora e “ti aspetto alle 2 di notte fuori dal locale x”, che tu a quell’ora vedi anche il ciclo riproduttivo dei fenicotteri.
E c’è da essere informate su tutto e avere un’opinione. Da sembrare intelligenti. Ma non così tanto da sembrare arroganti. E c’è….oddio, non mi ricordo cosa altro c’è, perché a quest’ora si potrebbe provare a prenotare una visita medica on line (“come hai fatto a dimenticarlo, che mica hai questa vita così piena da poter sempre scordare le cose. E guarda che già sei andata a Ikea a rilassarti e sarebbe ora che si materializzasse qualcosa per cena”).
Dormire qualche ora, svegliarsi presto per stirare, prima che la temperatura della casa superi quella del ferro da stiro e, dopo aver stirato anche i capelli- con la piastra, stavolta- che, alla terza ciocca bollente, inizi ad avere le allucinazioni e a credere che, a fine mese, avrai lo stipendio di Neymar, correre al lavoro (perché ti ricordi improvvisamente di non essere Neymar), uscire, fare la spesa e tornare a casa con i barattoli di pomodoro che sono precipitati dalla busta biodegradabile e che trascini con le ginocchia con quel tipico effetto paperotto che voi che fate gli spot della Papers che ne sapete.
Ecco. Noi donne si fa una vita serena e rilassata. Ed è bellissimo quando, in tutto questo, poi, ti definiscono “sesso debole”.
di Federica Meogrossi
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