Federica, auguri e figli maschi o forse no?
La voce narrante è quella del mio amico che mi racconta sua figlia diventata grande e il suo camminare impacciato tra gli scaffali del supermercato per dare esecuzione a quel “papà, comprami quelli viola, ma non viola, quelli viola viola”.
Io ascolto incantata questo uomo che, da un giorno all’altro, non trova più la sua bambina e si ritrova ad affrontare un albore di adolescenza attraverso uno di quei passaggi determinanti che segnano la vita di ogni donna.
Io, che non sono diventata madre di Martina – il nome che avevo scelto per Andrea, se il fiocco fosse stato rosa – e di Francesca – il nome che sarebbe toccato in dote a Matteo – non posso far altro che ascoltarlo e rassicurarlo, anche se, a dire il vero, non so e non saprò mai com’è la vita con una giovane donna come figlia.
Veder diventare grandi i miei ragazzi è stato “semplice”: ho sentito la loro voce diventare roca, li ho visti con i brufoli, ho affrontato i primi amori e i peli che li hanno sommersi.
Ho annusato l’odore tipico di adolescente e ho aspettato che finissero le loro docce interminabili.
Ma non ho dovuto affrontare quei passaggi segnanti che raccontano la vita di noi donne.
Anni fa, un’amica mi raccontava il giorno in cui aveva accompagnato la figlia dalla ginecologa perché le prescrivesse la pillola. Sarei stata brava a fare lo stesso con Martina e con Francesca?
E sarei stata brava a insegnare loro a camminare sui tacchi, ma, sopratutto, a camminare sempre a testa alta, io che, per quanto forte sia, la testa l’ho abbassata troppo spesso?
Sarei stata brava a insegnare alle mie figlie a truccarsi, ma anche e sopratutto ad amarsi con le loro imperfezioni?
Sarei stata brava ad insegnare alle mie figlie quanto bello sia l’amore per un uomo, ma, prima di tutto, per se stesse?
Mi è mancata una figlia femmina, una figlia femmina con cui scambiarmi vestiti e confidenze, una figlia che mi insegnasse a truccarmi, mentre io le insegnavo la bellezza dei testi classici e delle converse sotto la gonna.
Mi sono mancate le tutine rosa, io che, di rosa, mi vestirei ogni giorno.
Mi sono mancate le coccole tra femmine e i fiori tra i capelli.
Mi sono mancate tante cose, senza un’altra me per casa, senza qualcuna a cui far provare il mio profumo e i miei foulard.
Mi è mancato un pezzetto di me, ma forse, nella mia imperfezione che non guarirà mai, è stato un bene non dover conoscere i tormenti, le paure, le lacrime di quella bambina con la gonna rosa che, un giorno, mi avrebbe detto “comprami quelli viola, ma non viola, quelli viola viola”.
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